Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Koniak Avalanche

Koniak sounds like something wintry: Klondike, frosty, Santa Claus, chilly, balaclava, icy, arctic, solid icebergs not at the precipice of collapse, polar bears on floating frosty islands. And, in fact, it suites the occasion quite magically. On a cold Ethiopian dusk, I finally broke open my bag of Koniak to a nice earthy smell – quite expecting peppermint but settling for the smell of roots blended with nitrogenous soil – that wasn’t at all off-setting (certainly not as off-setting as the wave of pleasure that melted like a cap of ice over my brain moments later). I had been warned on the Kava Forums to not make big plans for the next day. Alas, that wasn’t possible – I had to wake up at dawn and drive down a perilous road to a farm in the highlands to check on the progress of a sweet potato project. But as I am writing this in a Koniak-induced buzz and quite enjoying the twinkling starlight of the southern hemisphere, my plans for tomorrow seem as far-off as the disappearing polar ice caps.

Now, the Kava. It is divine. It is powerful. It is absolutely, positively – nay, dangerously – overpowering. It is definitely one of the most potent Kavas I have had and could bowl over a newbie like an avalanche. In fact, it did. One of my co-workers dipped in and was soon pondering the real meaning of words. No man, I mean the real meaning of words. Words like: fiddlesticks, diphthong, wombat, mollycoddle, bluesocks, grown-up. We were absolutely pealing with laughter – pealing like ice from the top of a sloping lake during the Spring. We were absolutely and thoroughly stoned. We reminisced on old surfing stories from California and islands faraway. All from the crown of the world in the Ethiopian highlands.

Now, I can say that the effects of this Kava are incredibly immediate. The minute it has gone down the hatch there is the imminent sense of senselessness. Muscle aches? Gone. Wretched knots in your back or limbs? Gone. Sense of time? Devastated. On that last note, I really mean it. I started throwing this Kava down the hatch at 7 P.M – throwing down another shell every ten minutes for another hour or so – and at 11 P.M was still wide-awake and pondering really funny, fluffy things. Things like snowflakes and snow angels. It has power and endurance. I warned you.

Surprisingly, this Kava has a wonderfully clean and milky taste. It has undertones of a nuttiness – maybe a hint of cashew or walnut. The flavor melts into the numbness quite seamlessly. One minute you are enjoying the flavor (yes, I have said before that I enjoy the flavor or Kava) and the next minute you are – again – sensing senselessness. It tastes like a Fijian or Tongan blend but hits like something from Papua New Guinea combined with something from the Solomon Islands. So either Judd has a lab somewhere where he is baking up new varieties of Kava or he has truly stumbled upon some magical village in the south Pacific and made really good friends. I’d anticipate the latter.

This Kava is highly recommended. Definitely one of the best I have ever had. Certainly one of the most powerful. 

Flavor 9.7/10
Effects (Mind) - 9.8/10
Effects (Body) - 9.9/10
Strength - Strong, Very Strong
Bula Kava House's Koniak - 9.8/10


  1. Hi, it's been a long time since I last visited this blog. I have a bag of this kava in my hands, waiting a few hours more till I make a batch. What water/kava ratio did you use?

  2. Hey I have been doing 2 tablespoons per cup of water and knead for ten minutes. Letting it soak for 3-4 hours will increase the potency. If you don't let it soak you can let it dry and then use the kava again.

  3. Great article for kava, honestly I've been drinking kava for more than 2 years now. It such a great drink, actually I'm recommending this drink to some of my friends. Great stuff!

  4. What is the exact name of the really strong one? I want to use it to "treat" my Costochondritis, but was confused when I clicked on the banner to order it and there's was quite a few to choose from...

  5. Here's my challenge to you. Abstain from doing the whole decimal thing for ratings. While its slightly amusing, it really throws your whole rating system off.

  6. I disagree with the comment above. .
    Including decimals allows a wider/detailed spectrum of rating. Multiple 9/10's can't all taste the same - there will be minor discrepancies. .